Sometimes it just feels like....

Do you ever get the feeling of what the hell am I doing any of this for?  Here lately that is all I seem to be feeling. You always hear people say things like" the means justify the end". What end am I working for? What end does anyone work for? Are we not supposed to have a goal to acheive? I seem to have lost sight of mine! Yeah yeah I know you are supposed to work for your family well I do but that isn't ALL that I want to be working for. You are supposed to be working for retirement. That's all well and fine but you know what stinks at the moment is the fact that if I look at the time I have when I am not at work I am so bored and restless that I look forward to going back to work were I can at least pretend that I have a purpose. I know this is just alot of poor pitiful me bullshit but I just want to know that I am attaining a goal. That just like anyone else that I have a purpose other than making someone else rich!
Sometimes it just feels like WHAT IS THE FUCKING USE! Why not just become one of the masses that beg on the corner or from the government!  I know that this is completely opposite of the norm for me I have always been the Nut up or Shut up person but I guess even those personalities get down from time to time and just a few people get to see that while everyone else gets the facade.
So I guess I need to take my own advice. It's time for me to Nut up and Shut up